


Movie Night

by AgentCatt



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Anger, Anxiety Attacks, Background Grimmons, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Post Season 13, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Vomiting, locus is with the reds and blues, tries to emotion comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 05:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13873782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCatt/pseuds/AgentCatt
Summary: Tucker found this movie that no one likes to watch, but they're going to watch it anyways because it's like the good old times, right? Locus is skeptical of everything the Reds tell him. They can't be right. Come movie night, it's a small room. It sets off an anxiety attack in Locus, making him have to leave the room.





	Movie Night

Getting used to the way the Reds work is proving to be difficult for Locus. The way Sarge is always threatening to shoot Grif. Even shot him once. For no real reason too. Other than the fact that Sarge has this tough love with Grif. Maybe, if they were alone long enough, they’d act in this father/son relationship type, but who knows.

Simmons follows almost every order Sarge gives him. Especially if it’s something Grif wouldn’t like. But at the same time, Grif and Simmons are clearly together. They seem like they try to hide it. They’re not doing a good job.

Donut tries to include Locus into everything they do. He likes to braid his hair the most though. Locus lets him. It’s been awhile since he’s had his hair braided. Usually just puts it in a messy bun or a loose pony tail to fit in the armor.

Lopez is annoyed with them all. He hates that no one understands him. How they’re always making up shit. By now, it’s just somewhat fun to say the most awful things and have them say something completely irrelevant in return. Locus has to stop himself from cracking the slightest bit of a smile. It’s a little funny.

He doesn’t spend as much time with the Blues. He’s a bit glad he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to deal with Agent Washington. He most definitely doesn’t want to be around Tucker. Caboose isn’t that bad. He’s often with Donut, as they have “sleepovers” quite often. 

Everything is unpredictable, which Locus doesn’t really like. He’s used to a mostly routine protocol. Except for Felix. Felix...

His mind randomly keeps coming back to Felix. Not enough to really show on the outside. At least, not when they’re around. In the showers, he panics. Feels dirty no matter how much he scratches. No matter how hot the water is or the amount of soap he uses. They don’t know about the wounds on his stomach from all the scratches. Or the scars on his thighs that Felix carved himself.

 

Tonight is movie night. After they all finish eating, they’re going to gather in one room, with a ton of blankets, pillows, everything they can get their hands on. Caboose is somewhat yelling about how awesome this will be. About how it’ll be like old times, just without Church. Or Grif’s sister. Apparently he has a sister.

Locus hasn’t said a single thing all dinner about this. He doesn’t even know what movie they’re watching, but apparently Tucker picked it. Everyone groaned when they heard he found some type of movie. At least him and Wash are on the same page. Wash doesn’t know what the movie is too.

Locus watches as everyone else brings in handfuls of blankets and pillows into this small room. When he sees how small of a room they’re going to be in, he forces himself to breathe normally. He doesn’t like small spaces with that many people. He can somewhat deal with a room alone. That’s decent. But with this many people and it’s in one of the smaller rooms that they occupy. Felix, he- one day he-

He reminds himself that nothing bad is going to come from this. They aren’t afraid of him. They aren’t doing this because they know. They’re just having a good old movie night with everyone on each team. That’s it. Nothing bad. Nothing-

“Hey,” Wash comes over to him. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

Wash answers by making Locus remove his nails from his arm. Shit. He didn’t even realize he was doing it. Wash offers him a slight smile.

“Do they do this often?” Locus asks, completely ignoring the fact that he was digging his nails into his skin.

“No, I haven’t seen them do this. This is my first time too. According to Grif, they stopped having movie night when the last one they had, a fire broke out.”

Locus nods, slightly amused by that. Though it doesn’t completely surprise him. Donut did almost set the Fed base on fire by accident. He forgets about the thing on his mind long enough to go inside the room and sit down, closer to the Reds’ side.

Donut sits between him and Caboose. Grif is on his left side. Simmons lays on the ground with his head on Grif’s thigh. Sarge takes up most the bed. Wash is on the bed next to him, sitting criss crossed. Carolina makes Wash move over closer to Sarge so she can sit on the end of the bed. Tucker puts in the movie, turns off the lights, and sits next to Caboose.

The moment the title comes up, everyone groans loudly. 

“Seriously dude! Where did you even find this!” Grif almost shouts, but settles in anyways. 

“I was talking to Kimball and this came up and she had a copy!” Tucker’s too excited for this. 

For as much of they were groaning about this movie, they all settle in and watch it. Sometimes Sarge will say something about how their remake version was much better. Locus is trying to figure out when they had time to make their own version of this movie. 

Close to a fourth of the way through, Donut is leaning against Locus. Grif has his head on Locus’ shoulder, fighting sleep. Something that should be calm and loving, but his breathing is shallow. He tries to focus on the movie. They’re not going to hurt him. He’s not trapped. 

His chest feeling tight, hurting. His skin feeling too small for his body. Just breathe, Locus. This isn’t a closed off room. You’re not going to spend days here alone. Days without food or water. Surrounded by three dead bodies.

He can’t. Locus gets up and rushes out of the room. He heads to the showers. Once there, he scratches at his arms. Wanting the pressure to go away. Trying to breathe. He hadn’t remembered that memory in so long. It shouldn’t have come up now. God he’s so weak. Should have control over everything, but since Felix died, he doesn’t. He doesn’t have anyone to take control over him.

“Locus?” 

He looks up to see Sarge there. Honestly, shocked that Sarge was the one that came after him. He didn’t really expect any of them to come after him, but any of the Reds, nah not at all. 

“You okay, son?” 

No, but he nods anyways. He turns away from Sarge. Breathing slowly coming back to normal now that someone else has come to talk to him. Instead of staying in his mind, making everything worse. 

Grif and Simmons walk in moments later, concerned as well.

“Everything okay?” Grif asks. 

“Everything’s fine,” Locus tells them. “All of you can go back to watching the movie.” 

“You’re a part of us, we’re not going back without you,” Sarge assures him. 

Though Locus knows they mean well, he doesn’t really understand why they’re acting this way towards him. He’s not actually one of them. He’s sure they’ll get rid of him soon. Or use him in some way possible. 

“Your arms are bleeding,” Simmons points out. 

“I’m fine. It’s nothing,” Locus slowly moves over to the sink to wash it off. “Not like this is the first time,” he says a little too loud. 

“That’s not a good thing,” Grif tells him.

“I just can’t go back to that room. I’ll be fine. You all can go back.” 

Locus moves to lean against the wall. His skin doesn’t feel as tight now that he’s had the chance to calm down enough. He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Everything’s going to be okay. He opens his eyes and they’re still there. It’s almost like he expected them to be gone.

“The movie means nothing to us. We’ve seen it way too many times back in Blood Gulch,” Grif says.

“You’re more important to us,” Simmons speaks up.

“Donut stayed behind to cover our rears! So we’re not going until you’re okay!” Sarge offers a small smile. 

“You’re spending way too much time with Donut, Sarge,” Grif rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t understand,” Locus frowns at them. How could they be so accepting of him after all he did to them. It’s not right.

“It’s like what Blue team did with Wash. Wash tried to kill us, shot Donut, and then after we forgave him and he joined Blue team. Now we need someone strong on our side so we called dibs,” Simmons explains a bit.

“No, stop! It can’t be that easy!” Locus doesn’t believe them. How could he? They were on opposite sides. Done much worse than any of them can think of. Been through more than any of them could ever imagine. If they knew… 

“But it is that easy, son,” Sarge tells him.

“Nothing’s ever that easy. There’s always some sort of motive behind it.” Remembering every little thing Felix did and expected sometime in return is not what he wanted to do, but is anyways. How no wasn’t in his vocabulary. 

“Locus…” 

“Go, please. I’ll be fine. I just need some space.” That’s partially true. It’s just, this memory.

Grif and Simmons are the first to leave. They head back to the room to finish out the movie. Sarge stays a moment longer, clearly has more to say. Locus just glares at him, hoping that’ll make him leave. Which he does, surprisingly. He didn’t think he’d actually leave. Expected him to say more about all this.

Locus stands there a moment more before rushing to the toilets. He throws up. Didn’t want to. Didn’t mean to. But the memories. It started with just the one, but then they kept talking and there has to be a motive behind it. So he started thinking about all the times there was a motive behind the good things Felix did. 

He flushes and sits there for a moment. One day sticks out in particular. The day Felix got him a brand new sniper rifle. He had been woken up with a hand down his boxers and gentle kisses on his neck. To give Felix the sex he wanted, only to be told it’s for him, not Felix. Felix helping him make breakfast. Being so kind and gentle with everything. Spending the day sitting next to each other in a sort of comfort while Locus read and Felix played his video games. Only to be given the present before they head to bed.

He misses Felix in those days. The gentle days. But the very next day Felix wanted everything his way. If Locus didn’t comply, shit would go down. It-

Locus can’t help it. He throws up again and again until there is nothing left in him. He flushes and gets up, sliding his way over to the sink to rinse off his mouth.

Why did he let himself fall down that rabbit hole? Why can’t he just control his emotions like he could before? Like when he had someone telling how to feel. It was so much easier then. But now…

Locus stares at himself in the mirror for a moment. Hating the fact that he can’t hide everything. Hating that he can’t just stop these memories. These emotions. He went from panicking to anger. Is this how it’s going to be from here on out? He punches the mirror as hard as he can. Pieces falling all around him.

“You know that’s not healthy to do,” Wash stands there with his arms crossed. Locus wondered how long it’d take him to come in there.

“What do you want?” 

“Sarge told me. I wanted to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid to harm yourself.” 

Locus rolls his eyes. Everything about emotions is stupid. Why couldn’t he harm himself anyways? It’d be no different than if Felix was doing it. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Wash lowers his arms. He looks concerned. “You can talk to me or Gray if you rather. She can give you healthier coping mechanisms than I can.” 

“Stop.” 

“What?” 

“Just stop. I’m never going to talk about what happened.” Locus turns to face Wash. He can feel the anger just bubbling up and he doesn’t understand at all. Why would Wash even want to help him? Why did Wash help him see before? Why?

“You need some sort of outlet. Bottling it up isn’t good.”

“I’m fine.” 

“No, you’re not. I can see it in your face.” 

“Leave.” 

“No.” 

Locus takes a step closer to Wash and he doesn’t move. Slightly scared by what could happen, but stays. Locus takes another step closer and pulls on Wash’s collar, making him stand on his toes. 

“Leave.” 

“Make me,” Wash barely makes himself say.

Locus lets go and takes a swing at him. He barely ducks in time.

“Locus, don’t!” Wash ducks again. “Locus stop, please,” Wash almost didn’t jump back before the hit. “You don’t want to do this.” That punch just grazed his side. “Locus stop, please. We both know I can’t hold you back,” Wash grabs his fist in time to miss the hit, spinning out of its way. “Locus! I’m not strong eno-”

Wash is hit full force in the ribs, sending him back against the wall with a faint “ow.” He starts to fold in on himself, but is held up off the ground by his neck. Locus squeezing a bit too hard.

“Lo.. Locus don’t,” Wash manages to speak. 

Locus looks at him for what seems like forever before letting go of him. He watches him fall to the ground, coughing, in pain. He just leaves Wash there. Walking out, not knowing where he’s actually going.


End file.
